So here it is, the scary thing is that I could possibly go to college if I wanted to once I finished getting my high school diploma and that option wasn't open to me before. That's not to say that I was stupid before or that I'm glad that mom's dead; because that couldn't be further from the truth, but with the way that mom and I was handling money, there was no way that I would have been able to go. Now that I have a small saving set up for myself there is the chance that I could go if I wanted to. It wouldn't have to be some fancy college, I could go to a city one.
I was looking online just now and saw that there is a community college here in Scarborough that I could go to, from what I understand, its not far to get to on the bus. I could either take journalism or legal clerk; both things I only need my hs diploma. I'll now be getting help from Ontario Works, so all I'll have to do is learn to live off the money that they give me, stop buying things at Value Village and at garage sales and maybe try to put a little away from what I will be getting from OW with the money that I have saved in the safe. I'm not getting a lot from OW, just $600 but I think I would be able to handle it all and from what I understand from the woman that I talked to at OW when I went to see if I qualify, she said there was a possibility that they could pay for my courses for HS.
There would be more money that I'm saving as well, all I would need to do is cut down on my chocolate habit as well and I'm sure that I could get a student loan if I needed it as well. I don't know how I feel about that slim possibility of going to college, I have doubts that I would never get in or have enough money to pay for school but then there is this voice in my head that says that I could do it.
I know mom and gran would be very proud of me if I go to college or I don't, I just wish they were here with me so that we can talk about it. I haven't fully talked to the aunt and cousin about it, its been mention in passing but its never really been discussed and sometimes when we talk, the cuz makes it out that I would never be able to do that, that I'll have to find something so that I can get a job but of course that could be what she's not saying and I'm just letting my doubts get in the way.
I think I'll talk it over with one of my friends but they'll probably just tell me to do what I think is best, but that's the problem, I don't know what's best. I'm so confused. I know the aunt has said that I'm not alone in my decisions anymore and that's a small comfort to me, but its never going to be the same as talking to mom about these things.
I guess the best thing for me to do is just play it be year and see what happens. Let the dice fall where they may, cross those bridges when I come to them.
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