You know what's a scary thought?

So here it is, the scary thing is that I could possibly go to college if I wanted to once I finished getting my high school diploma and that option wasn't open to me before. That's not to say that I was stupid before or that I'm glad that mom's dead; because that couldn't be further from the truth, but with the way that mom and I was handling money, there was no way that I would have been able to go. Now that I have a small saving set up for myself there is the chance that I could go if I wanted to. It wouldn't have to be some fancy college, I could go to a city one.

I was looking online just now and saw that there is a community college here in Scarborough that I could go to, from what I understand, its not far to get to on the bus. I could either take journalism or legal clerk; both things I only need my hs diploma. I'll now be getting help from Ontario Works, so all I'll have to do is learn to live off the money that they give me, stop buying things at Value Village and at garage sales and maybe try to put a little away from what I will be getting from OW with the money that I have saved in the safe. I'm not getting a lot from OW, just $600 but I think I would be able to handle it all and from what I understand from the woman that I talked to at OW when I went to see if I qualify, she said there was a possibility that they could pay for my courses for HS.

There would be more money that I'm saving as well, all I would need to do is cut down on my chocolate habit as well and I'm sure that I could get a student loan if I needed it as well. I don't know how I feel about that slim possibility of going to college, I have doubts that I would never get in or have enough money to pay for school but then there is this voice in my head that says that I could do it.

I know mom and gran would be very proud of me if I go to college or I don't, I just wish they were here with me so that we can talk about it. I haven't fully talked to the aunt and cousin about it, its been mention in passing but its never really been discussed and sometimes when we talk, the cuz makes it out that I would never be able to do that, that I'll have to find something so that I can get a job but of course that could be what she's not saying and I'm just letting my doubts get in the way.

I think I'll talk it over with one of my friends but they'll probably just tell me to do what I think is best, but that's the problem, I don't know what's best. I'm so confused. I know the aunt has said that I'm not alone in my decisions anymore and that's a small comfort to me, but its never going to be the same as talking to mom about these things.

I guess the best thing for me to do is just play it be year and see what happens. Let the dice fall where they may, cross those bridges when I come to them.

I keep on loving you

So this is my new story, its a drabble and it came about with me watching non stop Big Bang Theory at nights; trying to play catch up, and also hearing Reba's song of the same name. I hope this helps me with my writer's block as well as my other drabble like story. So love the banner, Deebelle did an amazing job as always.

I keep on loving you

Jasper's Sweetheart

So this is my newest story, I'm going back to my roots and doing another Jasper/Bella story. This isn't saying that I grew board with writing Garrett/Bella because that couldn't be further from the truth, I just love J/B so much. Love how the lyrics on the banner; which I didn't ask for, this was a premade banner, is ' She's everything' by Brad Paisley. I'm so going to add that song in to my story, not sure yet if Its going to be a full on fic or if its just going to be highlights of Jasper and Bella lives like their first date, marriage proposal, wedding and then death or just write out. *shrugs* I'll figure something out :)

Jasper's Sweetheart

I've made a decision

So today I made a decision, I'm going to exercise more and going to "try" and eat healthier. I'm going to try and cut down my my chocolate intake as well. I'm going to walk more, do squats, lunges and try the 'Dancing With the Stars' workout disk for the Wii. I just got to stick with it and not give up.

Today I worked in the garden with the cousin and then her and I went for a fast pace walk. The back of my legs were killing me and I've got to learn to keep my shoulders back, head up and tummy tucked in while walking; which is freaking hard. Today though I got sunburned on my shoulders and neck, think a bit at the back of my neck as well. I'm in pain and my arms hurt, I put some cream on it and its taken some of the burn out but its still hurting. My forehead hurts also so that tells me that I got burnt there also. BLAH.